Jesus Freak

Jehovah’s Witnesses have become smarter over the years. Instead of coming to your door and having it slammed in their faces, they now trap you in enclosed spaces, areas where you cannot escape easily. Yes, I’m talking about the elevator.

The other day, I walked into the elevator and pushed P4 to go to my car. The only other person in the elevator was this woman, 40ish. So, I smiled and struck up a conversation about how beautiful the weather was. Big, big mistake. Why must I be friendly to everyone? Somehow the conversation segued into her handing me a pamphlet and telling me how at peace she is ever since she let Jesus into her heart. She now feels Jesus’s love surround her and I should let Him into my heart and have him forgive my sins. What did I do? I smiled and nodded and looked up at the numbers 5…4…3…2…, damn, doesn’t this elevator go faster? Finally, it reached her floor and she got off but not before she gave me a hug and told me, “Jesus loves you. He would like for you to return to His flock.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I had to go home and shower immediately. This is about the time when I should have said, “Death to the table eaters!”

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2 thoughts on “Jesus Freak

  1. Sounds like a born-again to me. They’re the worst kind.

    It’s true, they really should eat off their tummies.

  2. You should have ripped up her pamphlet in front of her. Then smacked her. And told her JC was a fraud. Take that! (was that too harsh — I’m sure Jesus was probably a really nice guy)

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