Oh, why, hello, hello, welcome back to Sweetville, USA, the gooey center of Tootsie Pop County! I’m so glad you could come by once again to see our beautiful, snowy-sugared town. Come, take a walk with me and I’ll show you the sights.
In the center of town, you have City Hall, a gathering place for politicians and plebians alike. While the city council argues the placement of this year’s iced Gingerbread Christmas tree or whether the town should pave a caramel yellow brick road, you have the traffic violators paying their fines for parking in front of the candy corn cones or speeding down Peppermint Patty Lane.
Ah, and there is the Royal Order of the Mousse Lodge, an organization dedicated to preserving the history of Sweetville and keeping the town sugar-coated for years to come. The members are very involved in the community, whether it is cleaning the streets of sprinkles, working in a soup kitchen serving Boston Baked Beans or even passing out Altoids for those with a touch of halitosis. The Order is very selective though, not anyone can join. I hear you have to be able make a tasty s’more (and knowing Mike-n-Ike doesn’t hurt either).
This is Sweetville Heights, the newest addition to the city. Fast and furious building started in the beginning of the year, but like everywhere else, Sweetville was not immune to the economic downturn.
Our first foreclosure — how sad. The poor guy didn’t even have a Bit-o-Honey to fix up his Hershey pick-up. Although construction has slowed, the residents of Sweetville Heights are enjoying the amenities that it offers such as a Pop-Rock fireworks display and lazy afternoons by the Swedish Fishing hole.
The Sweetville Heights development also built this quaint church for it’s residents. Here is the church, there is the pretzel steeple, open the iced candied door and look at all the gingerbread people.
And we cannot touch on the economic crisis without visiting what many believe to be the root cause: The Bank of Sweetville. For years, basically any gingerbread man or woman could get loans to build larger and more elaborate houses — using the finest graham crackers and imported icing, of course — regardless of whether or not they could pay back the 100 Grand. What they didn’t realize was that unless their homes were properly lacquered, they would decrease in value exponentially. Of course, The Bank of Sweetville then bundled up these spoiled assets, slapped on a fraudulent Nutrition Facts label, and sold these empty calories to anyone who had the money. As you can see, the result of this skullduggery is the Occupy Sweetville movement. While these Gummi Bears are 99% corn syrup they are hopping mad about being misled. To show their displeasure, they have set up their Fruit Roll-up tents and are basically loitering in front of this tastefully decorated bank.
In addition to the economic woes, Sweetville was also the victim of a cotton candy cyclone. While most buildings escaped harm, some of the less sturdy structures were damaged. This was the worst natural disaster to a candy town since Timmy Thomas realized he was going to lose a game of Candy Land to his little sister and flipped the board in a fit of poor sportsmanship. In a show of support, the citizens came through with extra frosting and Twizzlers to patch the damaged roof of this home. If the marshmallow snowman in the front is any indication, this is going to be a very merry Christmas indeed!
There is the official town Christmas tree, I guess the council has decided to place it here, along Main Street. Many people come to help decorate, it’s tradition. You can’t go wrong with a red Twizzler garland, little candied ornaments and a Peep snowman. On Christmas Eve, families gather around with their hot chocolate, apple cider and other warm, delicious concoctions, sing Christmas carols and frolic beneath the frosting of its branches.
Over yonder is the Mars Bars Inn, a well-known dining establishment, a staple in this town since 1911. If you are looking for comfort food, a cozy atmosphere and good conversations, this is where you will find it. The specialty here is the Skittles Steak, served with a heaping mound of creamy mashed potatoes and perfectly grilled asparagus. If you have room for dessert, you must order the Milky Way Delight. I would tell you what it is, but then it would ruin the experience. Trust me, it’s worth it.
Although there have been some some misfortunes this year, the community hasn’t let it melt their spirits, hence the folks are always welcoming and Sweetville is just simply irresistible. That is all the time that we have today. I hope you enjoyed your visit and please, swing on by anytime. And if you have any friends who would like a tour, you can see the rest of the town here, here, and here.
